Stanford and the World of Online Dating

Five sources asked us to remain anonymous or to use only first names, as our responses were sensitive.

Most of us are too young to remember the OG dating algorithm. I’m not talking about OkCupid or Match.com. We are talking about matchmakers. Because she knows your parents who think you should date the nice lads in the neighborhood, or the old lady next door who sets you up for a blind date. Perfect person for you.Matchmakers may be on the decline, but they are more commonly seen in movies like Fiddler on the Roof (“Matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match”), the impact of matchmaking hardly goes away.

Instead of relying on the wisdom of those who think they know you best, it’s best to rely on the wisdom of the young, fresh algorithms who think they know you best. It’s new and hip.

“If you’re a certain age and single, you better be online or download a modern app, because that’s where all the action is,” says Wayne State University associate professor of communications. Stephanie Tong said.

This idea seems to apply to students at Stanford University as well. That said, Stanford seems like a place where it’s easy to connect with nature. If you’re a student here, someone from the admissions office will say, “Wow! Now that’s like who I want to know.

Or, in the words of a mother of a Stanford student, “I don’t understand why students here use dating apps. Meet people. What do you need those apps for?”

scene settings

Mom: The dating scene at Stanford is… interesting. One anonymous student described dating at Stanford as “a pretty ass.”

Many can attest to the challenges students here face in romantic relationships. , life is so intense, overwhelming, so busy, so much work.”

Despite these hurdles, many young people want to improve their relationship skills, especially when it comes to setting boundaries and expressing vulnerability. said Ash.

Are dating apps a way to practice our intimacy skills or allow us to avoid deeper connections? Dating apps actually improve the romantic lives of Stanford students And what do students in our community crave?

look to technology

“I was quite the user of Tinder. It was superlative in my dorm at the end of my freshman year,” said Maddie Fisher ’23. It exists, but it wasn’t always the most ideal scenario.

“I don’t want to date someone in my department and then break up and then have to take classes with them. Thankfully that hasn’t happened yet,” Fisher said. “I’ve had people in my department and he’s only dated once or twice, and then I’ve taken classes with them. It always feels a little awkward, but generally not that bad.” there is no.”

If, like Fischer, you don’t want to have awkward interactions with people in your department, dating apps are the perfect solution.

Indeed, Jeff Hancock, professor of communications at Stanford University, believes that one of the biggest benefits of the rise of dating apps is the wealth of options they offer us.

“You can meet anyone within a certain radius, and it’s pretty amazing because they used to go to school together or work together,” Hancock said.

Talk about the ultimate networking opportunity.

But the app does more than just expand your social network and expand your matching possibilities. Stanford University sociology professor Michael Rosenfeld said the app would give people the ability to bypass existing social networks, thereby providing some degree of privacy.

Oh, did I mention the option to filter based on your preferences?

Only date people over 6 feet tall? Filter your height preferences!

Are you a Sagittarius looking for a Libra or Gemini? Filter by constellation!

Do you have an intimidating Jewish mother who wants you to find a nice Jewish boy? Filter your religious preferences!

With so many options, the results are endless. Need an old woman who knows a little bit about everyone to find a match for you? (“Matchmaker, matchmaker, take your time… find me no find, catch me no catch.”)

However, dating apps are not without their pitfalls, and the drawbacks of online dating are becoming more pronounced.

“We are now moving into another era where people cite fatigue and burnout on dating apps,” Tong explained. “People using it are getting tired. It’s no longer fun and people are nostalgic about meeting someone in person. “

balance

Students at Stanford University aren’t usually known for having free time. With too many extracurricular activities and a packed social calendar, students here struggle to find enough time for all the things they care about. When it comes to dating, Stanford students are no exception.

“It takes time to get intimate,” Ash said. Blocking out enough time for intimacy puts pressure on students’ already packed schedules, and many students lose intimacy.

Not only do students struggle to find time for romantic relationships, but if you are one of the few who have enough free units in your schedule for romantic relationships, you may find yourself finding romantic relationships. You may find that you cannot find a relationship. type of the romantic relationship you want.

According to Dale ’24, “A lot of people here are really, really ambitious, driven and goal-oriented. So often you’re stuck in hookup culture or the most committed form of relationship. I have never seen a big middle.”

If you decide to build a long-term relationship, you may end up ignoring other priorities.

“I think it’s really easy to get into relationships on campus, and then stop prioritizing friends and the rest of your social life,” said Riley ’25. It’s really difficult.”

Essentially, if you want casual dating without being a ghost, chances are you came to the wrong college.

I’m worried

Another challenge with campus dating, according to student accounts, is the size of existing social networks among students.

“This is the seventh degree of the Kevin Bacon situation. You know someone who knows someone,” Fisher said. “It’s not like 7 degrees, it’s like 3 degrees or less.”

Maria ’24 reflects Fischer’s sentiment.

“I feel like I know everyone so well, even though I don’t really know them. I see the same people,” she said. “Also, in the neighborhood system, you see the same people almost every day.”

For some students, the dating pool is even smaller, depending on their sexuality.

“Being in a gay community is a little bit different because it’s so close-knit,” one sophomore told The Daily. Most of them know you.”

So how do you fix this 7-step Kevin Bacon situation? every day Problem at Stanford: Let’s Build a Startup!

Silicon Valley effect

Stanford students may not be fluent in romance, but they are fluent in C++.

There seems to be a new Stanford-specific dating startup or two popping up every academic year. (Stanford Match, I’m looking at you.)

Some of them stick around and spread their matchmaking algorithms to other campuses, like the famous Stanford Marriage Pact. Some, like the Stanford Link, become fashionable and eventually die (or cause serious security breaches).

Some will fall in love with you. Others rank compatibility with future partners. Additionally, some people try to set the actual date. Whatever the concept, Stanford University has seen this digital her trend exacerbated by the impact of the pandemic. Stanford students have stepped from the comfort of VC jobs into the realm of digital-mediated romance.

One recent example is Love Is Blind from Stanford University. It is a spin-off of Netflix’s hit reality show of the same name.

At Love Is Blind Stanford, participants spoke on the phone and participated in anonymous game show activities published on Instagram to entertain Stanford students around the world.

Love Is Blind producer Kellen Vu ’23 said: “I saw something like Stanford Missed Connections. [an Instagram page where students anonymously shared their crushes] And then there was Marriage Pact and some startups trying to help people connect, but I thought Love Is Blind was another approach. “

Love Is Blind Stanford was meant to help game show contestants after they left the competition. “Whether it’s relationships with other contestants or the exposure people have by being on the page, I’m glad that some kind of relationship has come out of that,” Vu said. When Blind Stanford took off, the contestants achieved semi-celebrity status among students. Fans slipped into the contestants’ DMs, hoping to find some spark with those who left the dating show regardless.

But not all students are happy with the cultural shift towards technology on campus.

“You can’t really know what someone is like on a dating app, so the standards are different… Everything else fades away as things form more organically. It’s your connection that counts.” said Nourya ’23. “But on dating apps, you’re excluding a lot of people for the wrong reasons. Plus, once you meet them, you don’t naturally meet people.” I’m not trying to impress them, so it’s very artificial.

To quote another Stanford mother, after spending time swiping through her child’s Tinder profile, she said:Them What are your options?

Several students expressed a desire to host more face-to-face events on campus as a way to meet people organically. They said that relying on social media to form connections can reduce the quality of relationships or create false impressions.

“There’s a paradox that we should have more connections, and we’re certainly more connected to information,” says the Stanford University lecturer, who previously said, “When we talk about love. “What We Talk About,” said Jonah Willingantz, who taught a class titled “But people, especially technology users, are feeling lonelier than ever.”

The online dating paradox that Willihnganz has identified isn’t going away anytime soon. Despite its flaws, the use of technology in the dating world has taken hold. So how do we deal with this technical challenge?

“If we think of every encounter we encounter as a kind of conversation, whether it’s someone you know or someone receiving Uber food…every conversation is an opportunity to participate. , is an opportunity to understand something you didn’t understand… someone else,” Willingantz said. “What we can do is try to have more vulnerable conversations with each other, and ask each other questions we may be afraid to ask. I think that’s where it really starts.” .”

Or practice kindness if it seems too vulnerable.

“Do something unexpectedly kind every day,” Willingantz said. “If you want love, be love. You don’t have to strategize to get love. Just be yourself. And you will experience it.”