Inside secret Facebook group exposing sexual abusers on dating apps

“He sleeps with women without a condom and has multiple STDs. He works for the police,” a commented below a screenshot of one man’s dating profile. .

This is one of hundreds of warnings sent to a secret Facebook group with over 17,000 members.

Dating apps are now flooded with sexual violence, harassment and unwanted nudity, forcing women to search social media for men’s “references.”

This is at least what Metro.co.uk learned after joining ‘Are we dating the same guy? London’ on Facebook.

This is an online community where women can anonymously share “red flags” about their ex-partners and request dating information (or “tea”).

“Watch out for this guy. He seems kind, nerdy, and caring, but has serious control and control issues,” read a recent post.

“He raped me many times. He forced me to have sex many times. I know what he did to other women.

“He also tried to control how I looked, including hair color, clothes, nails, and weight.

“I confronted him about all of them. He apologized many times and said he would change, but he never did.”

Metro.co.uk examined hundreds of posts (mostly screenshots of dating profiles) from May 2022.

On the surface, the purpose of the group is to allow women to see if their partners are seeing other people.

But among negative dating experiences, warnings about sexual assault and coercion are surprisingly common.

One woman said a man in a photo posted to a Facebook group threatened to “rape” her and punish her for not responding to her messages.

“He threatened me several times over this and called me 20 times within 15 minutes of hanging up,” she wrote.

“He became verbally aggressive after I refused to answer the phone. He longs for a woman to call him so he hears his wink on the phone.

Another woman said she dated him after he “started kissing me more aggressively, came very forward, quickly put his hands over my head, pushed me against the wall, and grinded my crotch.” He explained that he would “run away” from his house.

It also showed a picture of a famous musician, with the following warning: like they do. It turned out that he had slept with several unsuspecting women.

“Manipulative and very trustworthy. Then came the violence. Started small at first, then broke my hand. Narcissist. Horrible man all the way. Be careful with women.”

“Are We Dating the Same Guy?” started as a Facebook community for women in New York City, but has since expanded nationally and internationally.

The group is private and has rigorous prescreening and guidelines. Users usually have to wait several days before being allowed.

Members are encouraged to share anonymously, and posts are constantly monitored by a team of 11 admins and moderators.

There are strict rules about what content is allowed, and anyone found violating it will be kicked out.

Sharing surnames, social media handles, phone numbers, addresses, or other personal information is prohibited.

A screenshot cannot leave the group under any circumstances.

Administrators say it’s about “protecting women, not judging men,” and shaming, bullying, and hate speech are prohibited.

This is part of our effort to protect the legitimacy of our community and ensure that women can continue to validate their matches.

Many members have posted that they felt “relieved” and “dodged a bullet”, and many vowed never to hang out with men who received negative reviews.

“You can find him on two dating apps. He’s married, his wife lives in Turkey, and he travels every month,” said a recent Your post has been read.

“He has a criminal record for domestic violence and has even been to prison. He has a drinking problem and has lied about being a business owner on dating apps.

“He lives a double life. When he’s in London, he hangs out with a few girls, and then he ghosts them.”

The man was also found to have lied about his relationship status, name, age and occupation on a dating app.

Unfortunately, this is how some women discovered their partner was cheating.

Several dating app profiles were also published as “catfish” or fake.

A photo of the man was shared without much detail, with a warning that read, “Avoid at all costs.”

One man was described as a sex addict who “does not accept no as an answer.”

A warning about him said, “I tried to cut off contact many times, but he found different ways to contact me and showed up at my house without notice. He is also violent.

Another woman detailed how she received “offensive messages from banners” after declining a date invitation.

“He then posted me on Twitter and included a threat to come to my house and beat me.

“I reported him to the police and had proof they called to warn him. If he harasses me again, he will be arrested.

A post about a man from Richmond said, “He looks sweet but he’s actually a dangerous misogynist, an accuser of sexual assault victims, and a huge supporter of Andrew Tate. be.

“He is also homophobic and says violent things about LGBTQ+ people and people with mental illness and disabilities.”

Allegations about the group paint a dire picture of what modern dating is like.

It’s no exaggeration to say that over the past decade, the way people meet has changed, and predators have taken advantage of the anonymity that the online world offers.

Ultimately, such acts of violence disproportionately affect women and LGBTQ+ people.

Last August, Metro.co.uk reported that the UK’s National Crime Agency found that online dating-related rapes increased by more than 450% in 2016 over the past six years.

The study showed that men who had not committed sex crimes fell into this statistic.

West Midlands Police Victims Commissioner Nicky Brennan has spoken out about the prevalence of misogyny on dating apps in the past.

“Women feel so disappointed that they have to turn to closed Facebook groups to protect each other,” she told Metro.co.uk.

“Claire’s Law does not apply in the early stages of dating. Such a rule is not applicable to help women make informed choices before they are in a relationship, before they develop feelings. We need to make things more readily available to women.

“There are too many blockers involved. And because there are so many victims-blaming people in society, women often blame themselves for what happens to them.”

“So they consider it their responsibility to keep other women safe. , others would not have been harmed,” is the rhetoric.

“From many celebrities like Katherine Ryan, we talk about people who are well known to be useful in their industry and know women stay away from them. Ordinary people have that privilege.” is not.

As a victim of sexual assault and domestic abuse, Nicki previously shared her own disturbing experience with dating apps.

She found that the “overly sexual and offensive” language men use on dating apps is too normalized.

In the past, she recalls receiving messages like “I’ll break down your door” from Match.

Regardless, Nicky encourages women with similar experiences to report the incident so it can go through the criminal justice process rather than posting about it on social media.

Otherwise, you risk prosecution for those who share such warnings.

She said, “British law stipulates that one is innocent until proven guilty. If men found out their photos were posted in a group, they would be under defamation laws.” is protected by

“So, of course, there are risks for anyone posting anything in the group.”

Nicky adds:

“It shows how the criminal justice system fails them. Women are now mostly vigilantes.

Want to share your personal experience using dating apps? Email gergana.krasteva@metro.co.uk.

Please contact the news team by emailing webnews@metro.co.uk.

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