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Mehad to happen. And now there it is. Women are finally tackling the pitfalls of dating app culture and starting to fight back. Since March 2022, Are We Dating The Same Guy? Facebook groups emerged as a way for women to point out their bad experiences with digital dating in nearly every major city in America, from New York to Little Rock. rice field.
What started as a small community has now grown internationally to include hundreds of thousands of members. In July, one TikTok user said, “Boys, buckle up silly.” “If you abuse a girl or do something sketchy, your time is up because you’re caught.”
Since joining some of these groups earlier this year, what I have seen, most of all, are women trying to protect each other from sexual assault and the like. Posted about dating a man, who pinned and strangled her without her consent. Another user gently explained her responsibility to report him to the dating app to protect other women. I posted (a welcome decision, but it doesn’t stop him from joining another dating app and doing it all over again).
Are we dating the same guy? Seemingly started by 3 women, none of them stepped into the spotlight (and none of them responded immediately to requests for comment). Details of their identities on social media are scarce, lending an air of mystery to the company’s openly secretive nature. Participation requires approval and agreeing to a long list of ground rules, including not publicly sharing recognizable information about users or their posts.
Out of caution to protect members’ privacy, I was hesitant to write about the group at all, but on TikTok I see male stand-up comedians making fun of them, characterizing female grievances as frivolous. “‘I saw him in the park, weird pose,'” he joked, mocking the user’s comment. “Yellow teeth.” He’ll probably say you were a bitch.
Are we dating the same guy? The group is full of backlash against misogynistic attitudes as well as practical advice from women on how to navigate today’s broken dating culture. They offer heartbreak support after being haunted and warn about catfish and men who scam them out of their money. “My advice is never settle for situationship again,” wrote one. “Your heart is broken and it never ends well.”
Women are often very funny, sharing stories of bad dates and relationships gone awry. Or many of them lament how difficult it has become to find true intimacy.”Why is it so difficult to meet a gentleman who truly loves you?” . “One word,” another answered. “Swipe culture.”
The ostensible reason for the group, as its title suggests, is to call men out to flirt and date multiple women at the same time is only part of what’s going on. Women who match men post pictures of themselves to get the inside scoop on what they really are like beyond their profile.
Members also post photos of people they’ve been dating for a while to find out if he’s seeing other people. The app exposed a married man with four children dating a woman after a woman who allegedly saw the thread said she was going to warn her. Women often thank each other for information. “This group is a godsend,” someone said. “I’m so glad we have a community that can help prevent us from being preyed upon by opportunists.”
Are there any downsides to all of this? A key issue is privacy (privacy of men). The admins of these groups appear to be fighting to protect as much as they can. Users are frequently reminded that they must be ‘very strict’ in enforcing the rule of saying nothing to ‘blame’. It may lead to “potential defamation”. These groups have also been accused of operating within the increasingly lawless internet detective culture. In this culture, social media users of TikTok and other platforms act as judges and juries, sometimes influencing real life to openly shame men for alleged violations.
The group is also clearly focused on heteronormativity, with a majority of its users being female and discussing mostly cisgender men (noting that the group excludes discussion of LGBTQ+ people and relationships). no signs).
But they are also an example of women taking problematic systems into their own hands to protect themselves from toxic behaviors that have disproportionately affected women for decades. The promised calculation of #MeToo has been subject to predictable backlash. Moira Donegan, the journalist who compiled what she called her Shitty Media Men list in 2017, wrote in her viral Google spreadsheet listing people who allegedly sexually harassed her in the U.S. media industry. We are currently facing a defamation lawsuit. Are we dating the same guy? The group is a whisper network kept in step with the digital age.
In one survey of women who used dating platforms over the past 15 years, more than a third said they had been sexually assaulted by someone they met on the app. In an ideal world, are we dating the same guy? Dating apps don’t need to exist as they are more protective of their users. They vette users, offer background checks and age checks, and prove if someone is married.
These Facebook groups have popped up and gone up in flames in response to the unconfirmed abuses pervasive in dating app culture, from cheating to rape. My only regret is that our members are not putting the same passion into exposing male misconduct on the dating app industry itself. Women can refuse to use dating apps at all.
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