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Online dating is a hassle-free way to meet new people and expand one’s social circle. These days, there’s a dating community out there for everyone, no matter what your preferences or interests are. This is particularly true of BDSM and fetish dating.
For people who are into BDSM, dating isn’t about giving each other gifts like flowers, chocolates, or wine; rather, it involves other kinky dating methods.
The number of social media–like BDSM sites, along with more traditional online dating apps, has increased dramatically in recent years. Single people can now explore their desires and meet a companion who shares similar kinks and fetishes thanks to these BDSM dating sites, which provide this opportunity.
With BDSM dating apps and sites on the rise, you can now easily connect with other like-minded people in adult chat rooms and through video chat to find a suitable partner. Read on to learn more about the best fetish dating sites and what they offer.
Here is the list of the best online dating sites for the BDSM dating community:
- Alt – Best BDSM Dating Site Overall
- KinkD App – Best Fetish Dating App
- Ashley Madison – Best for Discreet BDSM Relationships
- Seeking – Best Elite Dating Site
- AdultFriendFinder – Best Video Chat Feature
- VictoriaMilan – Best for Kinky Dating
- FetLife – Best BDSM Lifestyle Social Media Website
- BDSM Singles – Best Female-to-Male Ratio
- Feeld – Best Poly/Kink Hybrid
- Fetster – Best Alternative Dating Site for BDSM and Fetish Lovers
- BDSM Hookups – Most User-friendly Kink Dating Site
- BDSM Date – Best for First-Timer BDSM Singles
What Are the Best BDSM Dating Sites and Apps in 2023?
Alt – Best BDSM Dating Site Overall
One of the largest concentrations of BDSM men and women may be found at the online community Alt. This is the place to be if you’re interested in kinky dating, role play, or casual relationships. There are tons of BDSM lovers on Alt.
After signing up, you can go straight to the chat rooms and start chatting with like-minded people who share the same interests as you. You can send a message to anyone on Alt for online BDSM play, and they’ll probably respond.
Features
- Unlimited messaging
- Chat rooms
- Photo albums
- Advanced search function
User Base
This fetish dating site has more than 2.1 million registered users in the US. Many different kinks and fetishes are represented here. In the virtual world of Alt, you may come across kindred spirits whom you have never met in person or even on social media. To meet nearby submissive partners, doms, or switches, you can join the local chat online community.
Pricing
Joining Alt doesn’t cost a thing. As with any other fetish site, the premium features cost money. If you enjoy what you see, you can have full access to the site’s features (unlimited contact, blog/video access, profile visibility) by signing up for one of the following membership plans:
- Silver Plan: $19.95/month for the 1-month plan, $11.99/month for the 3-month plan, or $8.33/month for an annual subscription.
- Gold Plan: $29.95/month for the 1-month plan, $19.99/month for the 3-month plan, or $12.50/month for an annual subscription.
Pros:
Cons:
- Restricted access unless you sign up for a subscription
KinkD App – Best Fetish Dating App
KinkD is a dating app focused on the fetish lifestyle. Like any other popular dating site, there is a combination of people looking either for casual relationships or something more serious in their romantic life.
Features
- Swiping technology
- Detailed profiles
- Messaging system
- Public and private photo albums
- My Role feature
User Base
The BDSM dating app KinkD provides users with a place to meet other kinky people and BDSM lovers and a vast social network for those in the fetish community.
Pricing
To enjoy all of the benefits of the KinkD dating app, you should consider purchasing a premium membership.
- 1-month membership: $14.99 per month
- 3-month membership: $35.99 total
- 6-month membership: $54.99 total
Pros:
- Kinky singles from around the world
- Niche dating platform for the fetish community
- Swipe left/right function to show your interest in other users
Cons:
- Mobile dating app only with no website version
Ashley Madison – Best for Discreet BDSM Relationships
Ashley Madison, the online dating site best known for extramarital affairs, is one of the most infamous. Although most of its users are after discreet relationships, you may also use Ashley Madison to meet other BDSM singles.
You’ll have no trouble navigating Ashley Madison. Matches that fit your primary search parameters (gender, age, and location) are displayed in an easy-to-read list. If you see someone you like, you can click on their profile to learn more.
Features
- Anonymous browsing
- Chat feature
- Location-based matching system
User Base
This dating service is complete with kinksters, so if you like submissive partners or doms, you’ll find what you’re looking for on Ashley Madison.
Pricing
Ashley Madison does not offer any membership plans. It has a credit-based system instead. Credits can be purchased for the following prices to access the site’s full features:
- For $59.00, you get 100 credits (59 cents per credit)
- $169.00 for 500 credits (34 cents per credit)
- $289.00 for 1,000 credits (29 cents per credit)
The site is free for women.
Pros:
- Chat rooms for easy online conversation
- Kinks are encouraged
- Credit-based payment system (pay as you wish)
Cons:
- Not everyone is interested in discreet dating
Seeking – Best Elite Dating Site
Seeking is more of a high-end elite dating service. If you’re looking for a serious relationship in real life, this is one of the best dating apps.
Features
- Video chat feature
- VIP rooms for verified members
- Public and private photos
- Messaging tools
User Base
Seeking has a large and active user base filled with people from all over the world. This will make it easy to find a compatible, like-minded partner.
Pricing
You can sign up for Seeking for free, but you have to upgrade to a premium membership to access all site features.
- Premium Subscription: $109.99 per month or $96.66 per month for a 3-month plan
- Premium One-Time Purchase: $289.99 for 90 days
- Diamond Subscription: $274.99 per month
Pros:
- Active user base
- Great for high-end dating
- Plenty of site features
Cons:
- You have to upgrade to a paid membership to gain access to everything this luxury dating site has to offer
AdultFriendFinder – Best Video Chat Feature
Adult Friend Finder is a BDSM dating site with a fetish community where users can engage in kink-related activities such as chatting, forming kink groups, sharing videos, and publishing stories. Many polyamorous people use AFF, as it’s one of the most popular swinger sites.
Features
- Group chat rooms
- Virtual gifts
- Send and receive messages
- Share photos
- Live streams
User Base
With over 80 million users (64 million in the United States alone), Adult Friend Finder is the most popular fetish dating site for kinky couples. People of all different sexual orientations can be found here.
Pricing
You can use many AFF features for free. You can view profiles, join chat rooms, and see some photos and videos posted by others. But if you want everything Adult Friend Finder has to offer, upgrade to one of the paid plans:
- 1-Month Plan: $9.95/month
- 3-Month Plan: $8.95/month
You can also buy AFF points for:
- 200 Points: $3
- 500 Points: $6
- 1,000 Points: $10
Pros:
- Ideal for those interested in a variety of different fetishes and kinks
- Lots of kinky people here
- Some free features
Cons:
- Free membership is limited
VictoriaMilan – Best for Kinky Dating
Victoria Milan is a dating site for married people and kinky people in long-term relationships who want to spice up their life. This is the place to go if you want like-minded individuals and kinky playmates.
Features
- Send winks
- AnonymousBlur and Panic features
- Messages and chatbox
- Search function
User Base
Victoria Milan has members from all around the world. The male-to-female gender ratio is almost even, with 51% male and 49% female.
Pricing
Purchasing a Victoria Milan membership allows you access to a lot of features.
- 3-Month Membership: $49.99 per month ($149.97 total)
- 6-Month Membership: $39.99 per month ($239.94 total)
- 12-Month Membership: $29.99 per month ($359.88 total)
Pros:
- There are members from all over the world
- Simple sign-up process
- Secure and safe website
Cons:
- Messages can only be sent by paying members
FetLife – Best BDSM Lifestyle Social Media Website
FetLife is the best site for the BDSM lifestyle. This site is all about fetishes, and there is a large BDSM community here. You can find singles, couples, as well as dominant and submissive BDSM partners on FetLife.
But, FetLife isn’t just a place to meet people. It works a lot like a social network, which means that you can meet people online, interact with content from other users, and learn more about BDSM.
Features
- Popular Members feature
- Communication tools
- Group forums and discussions
- Blog entries
User Base
FetLife is more than just a site for fetish dating. It also has one of the best BDSM communities in the world. And with 10 million members, we have to say they’re doing a pretty good job.
Pricing
FetLife has a great free version, so you can start exploring the site immediately. There is a premium option as well, which costs just $5/month. Paid members can see more videos and host live streams of their own.
Pros:
- You can search by fetish
- Mobile app version available
- Free to join
Cons:
- You cannot access video content for free
BDSM Singles – Best Female-to-Male Ratio
As the name suggests, BDSM Singles is an online dating site for single people who like BDSM. If this interests you, you’re in the right place because BDSM Singles is one of the best fetish dating websites out there.
Features
- Rapid Match feature
- Live videos
- Monitored chat rooms
- Favorites function
- Advanced search
- See who viewed your profile
User Base
Since BDSM Singles focuses on a specific niche (BDSM and fetish dating) there isn’t a large user base and it may be harder to find a date here. When you do, however, it will be well worth it.
Pricing
You can easily subscribe for a premium subscription on BDSM Singles. It will cost you:
- 1-Month Plan: $29.95 per month
- 3-Month Plan: $39.99 total ($13.33 per month)
- 3-Day Trial: $7.95
Pros:
- Detailed profiles
- Focus on BDSM
Cons:
- A niche website with a smaller user base
Feeld – Best Poly/Kink Hybrid
Feeld is a dating site that helps people find a third person to make a trio. On Feeld, most are looking for a group of three, but you can also meet people who like the same things you do. Some users of the site are into things like BDSM and other kinky things. Any way you look at it, it’s worth a try!
Features
- 20+ sexuality and gender identity choices
- ‘Group Chats’ feature
- ‘Interests’ and ‘Desires’ feature
User Base
Feeld is a place for open-minded singles and couples who want to explore and be adventurous. The site has one of the largest non-judgemental dating communities in the world. There are tons of members interested in alternative relationship structures.
Pricing
You can get the Feeld dating app for free. There are two different payment options when upgrading to the Majestic membership.
- 1-Month Plan: $11.99 per month
- 3-Month Plan: $23.99 total ($8 per month)
Pros:
- The platform is very open-minded
- Affordable upgrade options
- Worldwide community of members
Cons:
- Not for singles interested in monogamy-based relationships
Fetster – Best Alternative Dating Site for BDSM and Fetish Lovers
Fetster is a free BDSM dating community that combines the features of a social network with those of a dating site. It’s a great place to meet new people and connect in real life. You can search locally or by city, start chatting, and no premium membership is necessary to do so.
Features
- Messaging
- Send and receive gifts
- Photo and video sharing
- Favorites feature
User Base
This site has a good amount of users interested in different fetishes and kinks.
Pricing
Fetster is completely free to use.
Pros:
- Free BDSM dating site
- Events for group gatherings and activities
- Blogs and discussion groups are available
Cons:
- Fetster is all about BDSM dating, which is not for everyone
BDSM Hookups – Most User-friendly Kink Dating Site
BDSM Hookups is a place for people who like BDSM dating. This makes it easy to find a casual relationship on BDSM hookups.
All uploaded profile pictures have to be approved first. This is an extra security measure to ensure the safety of everyone using the site for online dating.
Features
- Photo sharing
- Chat feature
- Blogs and forums
User Base
BDSM Hookups has a large, yet niche user base. Everyone is welcome on this site, including open-minded singles, couples, and members of the LGBTQ+ community.
Pricing
The price for a premium membership starts at $39.95.
Pros:
- Great place for BDSM dating
- Some adult content shared on the site
- Various security measures for member safety
Cons:
- No mobile app for iOS or Android at the moment, but the website is made to work on any device
BDSM Date – Best for First-Timer BDSM Singles
The main goal of BDSM Date is to help kinky singles and couples meet other people in the area. On BDSM Date, you can look for people based on the type of encounter you want, the roles you want to play (or want someone else to play), and a lot of other things. That is all free. There are also paid features on this dating website, like chat rooms and video broadcasts where men and women do all kinds of naughty things.
Features
- Advanced search
- Live chat rooms
- Webcam shows
- BDSM Date app for mobile devices
User Base
Paying members to have access to the profiles of millions of men and women of different ages (all 18 or older), genders, sexual orientations, ethnicities, backgrounds, and cultures.
Pricing
BDSM Date offers various plans, including:
Silver:
- 1-Month Plan: $19.95 per month
- 3-Month Plan: $35.97 total ($11.99 per month)
- Annual Plan: $99.97 total ($8.33 per month)
Gold:
- 1-Month Plan: $29.95 per month
- 3-Month Plan: $57.97 total ($19.99 per month)
- Annual Plan: $149.97 total ($12.50 per month)
Pros:
- Tons of site features
- User-friendly interface
- Many different categories of BDSM dating
Cons:
- The amount of BDSM content on the site can get overwhelming
What Are BDSM Dating Sites?
BDSM dating sites are places where users can explore and get to know different fetishes and kinks. BDSM is an umbrella term for erotic practices and roleplaying. Common BDSM interactions include flogging, sensory play, spanking, and bondage.
BDSM is actually an acronym that stands for bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, and sadism and masochism.
- Bondage – Consensually being restrained or restraining someone else
- Discipline – Consensually training someone to obey you
- Dominance and Submission – Roleplaying, negotiation & power exchange
- Masochism – The infliction of pain and pleasurable release
Being “into BDSM,” however, does not obligate one to engage in every possible BDSM-related activity. You can try out different variations to find your favorites.
How Do BDSM Dating Sites Work?
BDSM dating sites work the same way as any other dating site. Follow these steps when creating an account with BDSM dating sites:
- Sign Up
First, you need to sign up by providing some basic information about yourself, like your name, email address, age, gender, sexual preferences, and more.
- Build a Profile
The next step is to set up your BDSM dating profile. You can write about your interests, hobbies, background, etc. A lot of people are likely curious about the fetishes that you’re interested in, so you can talk about that in your profile as well. After that, you can start looking for matches.
- Search for Potential Matches
The search filters to find your match are usually unique on BDSM sites. For example, you may be able to specify the kinds of kinks and fetishes you’re into. That way, the site can match you with someone who is interested in similar things.
- Message Other Users and Have Fun
Once you’ve found someone you like, you can send them a message, and if they’re interested, they’ll respond through the chat feature available on the BDSM app. You can talk about anything: your interests, your doubts, your fetishes, your sexual desires, etc. Communication is a vital part of BDSM. You can tell them what you’re interested in.
How to Start A Conversation on a BDSM Dating Site?
If you’re new to BDSM dating, you may be nervous to start a conversation on a BDSM dating site. As with any other type of dating, shyness and introversion can kick in at any time.
To help you be successful when talking to other users on BDSM dating sites, here are some tips to get the most out of your first experience.
- Begin with a Simple Message: There are a ton of people on BDSM dating sites, so your opening message has to be interesting enough to stand out and simple enough that the person will actually read it. You can start by introducing yourself and asking about something that sparked your interest in their profile.
- Communicate What You Are Looking For: Some people that are new to BDSM dating are worried about sharing what they’re interested in and what they want in a relationship. However, it’s important to discuss this early on. You can even put this kind of information in your dating profile. That way both you and others can quickly determine whether it’s a good match.
- Be Specific: You may have seen some kinky stuff in movies or on TV and want to try it. But where should you begin? Well, the first thing you need is a fantasy. What gets you excited? What makes your heart beat faster? Once you know what gets you going, you can start thinking about how to make that happen and how you want to start a conversation with someone else about that fantasy. Overall, be specific about what you want.
- Stay Safe, Sane, and Consensual: Once the conversation starts flowing, it’s important to communicate the sexual behaviors you’re interested in and listen to what they’re interested in as well. Ensure there is consent among all parties involved. This helps everyone stay safe and sane on BDSM dating sites.
- Set Clear Boundaries: It’s important to set clear boundaries before engaging in anything too serious. These boundaries should exist for both online and in-person relationships. If you feel that someone is speaking to you in a way that feels uncomfortable, be open and communicate those feelings.
Do You Have to Sign a Contract on BDSM Dating Sites?
Usually yes, you do have to sign a contract on BDSM dating sites. Your relationships on BDSM dating sites must always be based on trust, understanding, and agreement from both sides (at the time of signing and throughout the duration of the relationship). A BDSM dating contract is more of a guide for your relationship than anything else. It lets everyone involved communicate precisely what they want from the arrangement and what they expect from the other person(s).
Are BDSM Dating Sites Legit?
Yes, the BDSM dating sites in this article are legit. To check whether a BDSM dating site is legitimate or not, you can check reviews online to see what kind of experience other users had. You can use this information to decide which BDSM dating site is right for you.
How to Stay Safe on BDSM Dating Sites?
With millions of people worldwide on online dating sites and apps, it’s important to stay safe throughout the entire online dating process. Whether meeting someone new online or in real life, you always want to keep a few safety precautions in mind.
Below are some steps you can take to stay safe on BDSM dating sites, especially when interacting and making plans with others through the app or site.
- Don’t share personal information: On your BDSM profile, keep your details private. Don’t share personal things like your home address, social security number, credit card details, bank information, etc.
- Check out your match on Google and social media: If you look up a potential date’s name on Google or social media, you can learn a lot about them. This type of research can help to verify the person’s identity and ensure that they are who they say they are.
- Avoid contacting suspicious profiles: If your match has no profile or photo, avoid connecting with them altogether. This is suspicious and you’ll be much better off focusing on the people that provide tons of information about themselves. You can even block and report their profile if you feel it’s suspicious enough, and most of the time, this can be done anonymously.
- Do not give out any financial information: If someone asks for financial help because of a personal crisis, do not give out any information and never send the money. In a case like this, it’s best to report the account to customer support.
- Always meet in a public place: Once you have matched with someone you like and decide to meet in real life, meet in a public place for your first date and tell a friend or family member where you’re going. Avoid meeting in your home or workplace and opt for a coffee shop or restaurant where there are plenty of people.
Bottom Line
As you can see, there is no shortage of fantastic BDSM sites and apps. These are great places to meet others with similar interests for fetish play and casual encounters. In fact, joining an online group or community is one of the most effective ways to meet people that share your kink obsessions. When you visit a BDSM site that caters to that kink community, you can typically find a compatible match quickly and easily.
If you are new to the world of BDSM, you can learn more about the best dating sites and apps for BDSM singles and couples by reading this article. While all of the dating services listed are highly recommended, Alt is hands down the top BDSM dating website overall because of the tremendous number of energetic individuals. On the other hand, if you’re interested in group connections and exploring various types of adult content, you should also give Adult Friend Finder a shot.
For most fetish websites, all you need is an email address in order to sign up. After selecting a username and password, you will be able to test out the website and decide whether or not you like it. It’s as easy as that. Happy hunting!
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